Nancy Wait

Talks about her book, and about being an artist and a writer

RSS

Introducing Nancie, who lived with me from 1971 until 1977 and who I appreciate (now in hindsight) very dearly.  For she was as brave as she was young, as foolish as she was fearless.  I must never forget her.

Anyway, I can’t.  The internet won’t let me.  So, I have decided to embrace her.

I didn’t really forget about her, for she is part of me and the crux of my memoir. My still unpublished memoir which has gone through untold revisions and name changes too, just like me.  Am I still trying to get the story straight?  No, but I am still trying to make sense of it all.  Which is why it has gone through so many name changes.  First I called it A Mask With Wings. Then I decided to call it Girl Under Water.  And now it is simply The Nancy Who Drew. But whatever I call it, it is still the same story.

And when I think of the Nancie who did Au-Pair Girls, I no longer want to cringe.  I want to remember the comment of a young woman in my memoir class at the New School back in the 90s who said after hearing my synopsis, that she wanted to grow up  and be just like me.  Well guess what—I want to be like Nancie too!  Ridiculously brave, throwing caution to the wind, let the chips fall where they may.

But I must tell you why I changed my name in the first place.  When I was 21 an astrologer said that if I changed the spelling of my name to N-a-n-c-i-e  — it would bring me more luck.  As an actress I knew I could never have enough luck.  Luck is so vital in theater that no one even dares wish each other luck before a show.  Instead it’s “break-a-leg.”  So, I said yes to having more luck.  And when shortly after the name change I was offered a lead in a film, it seemed nothing short of magical. I said yes to that too.  When afterwards my life fell apart and continued to unravel for a number of years, I never thought to change my name back to its original spelling.  I waited until I gave up acting altogether and tried something else.  (Painting.)

Au-Pair Girls (1972) –  (trailer) youthful folly, or the wisdom of a fool? Fool, like the Tarot card. For there would be no hiding from myself ever again.  So, Nancie, I salute you.  From the time you began studying acting in earnest at fourteen, you were told that you had to “bare your soul” onstage.  And then when you were offered a movie where you would have to take off your clothes, you wondered if baring your body would help you to bare your soul even more?  That was how your mind worked.  All those acting teachers and coaches always reminding you and the others that you had to let go of your ego.  Forget “self.” Be naked in front of the audience.  They meant it only metaphorically, but still, it was the 60s and Hair and Jerzy Grotowski and who knows how many others trying to free us up from being bound by the shell of skin.

I’ve always thought it strange how reckless so many of us are when we’re young.  We’ve lived for so few years, and yet are so willing to take chances.  Then, as we get older, we seem less willing.  As if the more years we have under our belts, the less we want to let go of life, or the perception we have ourselves, forgetting that change and movement and staying in the flow, being in the life force itself, are what keeps us vital.

I took a risk with Au-Pair Girls, and my acting career never really recovered.  So I moved on.  I moved on to find a way to really bare my soul.

And now I have a new name, at least on the Gold Ring, where I call myself Nanineko, (my profile here) which means – she who is one with her Destiny.

Amen.

(By the way, in the photo here, doesn’t it look as if I am undressing for the “boogy-man”? That big dark shapeless mass?  I think I was, you know…)

0 Responses

Stay in touch with the conversation, subscribe to the RSS feed for comments on this post.